You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
