Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just threw up on my dentist
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
