please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
