I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
the raccoons are back...
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