My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
