The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
