I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
