He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
