End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
