I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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