Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
