Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Randomize
