I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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