some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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