my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
