so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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