He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
