I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
