New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
nutella sex= disaster
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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