Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
cat food counts as protein by the way
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize