i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
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I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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