Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
