I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
