You just made me feel so damn special
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
