Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
