Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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