It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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