direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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