Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
