I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
