Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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