If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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