Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize