the condom got lost in my hair
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
