I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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