just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
