Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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