i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
