I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
