then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
