A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
