I think I died a long time ago.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
