On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
