She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
