I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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