i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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