omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
