I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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