Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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