She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
