3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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