dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
