If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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