last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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