tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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