he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
