So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
