they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
