We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
