shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
