Where is the hickey?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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