I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
