I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
