I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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