New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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