Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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