You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
